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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836752">we weren’t enough</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmebyyourmango/pseuds/callmebyyourmango'>callmebyyourmango</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunter X Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Assassin Killua, Hunter Gon, Hurt, M/M, No Fluff, Sorry again, Zoldyck family caused shit, all angst, heart been broke so many times, no comfort, no happy ending, sorry - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:48:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,366</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836752</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmebyyourmango/pseuds/callmebyyourmango</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Their love wasn’t enough to stop Killua from executing his target.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>we weren’t enough</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I am so sorry but I just had to write it. I’ll probably rewrite it to be longer and more dramatic later on but yeah :/</p><p>TW: death. not explicit, I believe but don’t be afraid to let me know if you need a better TW</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Killua was breathing heavily, which was wrong for an assassin to do, but he didn't care. It wasn't the fight that left him breathless. It wasn't the fight that left his chest tight and aching. It wasn't the fight that caused tears to stream down his cheeks, blending with the raindrops falling onto the both of them.</p><p>No, it was the calm look on his opponent, no, <em>lover's</em> face.</p><p>He didn't expect to get caught up in Gon Freecs's whirlwind of a life. All he had to do was kill the target and leave.</p><p>But no, of course, those eyes of amber stared into Killua's soul and reeled him right in.  </p><p>Killua experienced love for the first and possibly last time in his life. Illumi was so disappointed to hear. It didn't take a genius to figure out why Killua, the son who hates the assassination business, would take so many jobs surrounding one place.</p><p>Killua thought he'd done well. He'd take a job in the closest city from Gon. He'd overestimate how long it would take to his brother, and visit Gon in the spare time he made for them.</p><p>And each kiss, each stolen moment, each whispered "I love you"s were worth it.</p><p>They were worth the physical pain he received as punishment. They were worth the words of hatred and disappointment because as long as he had Gon, everything would've been okay. </p><p>But they threatened Alluka (and Nanika)'s life this time.</p><p><em>"A life for a life,"</em> Illumi had said when they proposed a proper solution for Killua's disobedience. <em>"Kill the target like you were supposed to."</em></p><p>So when Killua ran back here and told the grown Hunter everything, Gon was confused.</p><p><em>"We could take them, together,"</em> Gon said determinedly. <em>"Or save your sisters."</em></p><p>But Gon didn't understand Killua's family. Just because he was a one-star hunter, doesn't mean he could take on the Zoldycks.</p><p>It wasn't enough, <em>they</em> weren't enough.</p><p>Gon's only request was that it would be a fair fight.</p><p>And a fair fight it was. They went all out in an area Gon had picked. Killua knew the field would be beautiful in the springtime because Gon always talked about taking him to see it.</p><p>But Killua won.</p><p>It brought them to now, Killua straddling Gon with razor-like claws barely scratching Gon's neck. A drop of blood trickled out but lightened when it made contact with the rain pouring on them.</p><p>"I'm sorry it wasn't enough," Killua finally managed to choke out. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry my love wasn't enough."</p><p>Gon was crying too, but not for his imminent death. He raises a hand, reaching for Killua's pale cheek. Killua allows the hand to cradle his face and memorizes the feeling. It'll be another memory he'll miss.</p><p>"<em>Our</em> love," Gon corrects with a shaky smile. "I love you so much, Killua." It emits a choked sob from the boy above him.</p><p>"I'm sorry our love wasn't enough," Killua corrects. He removes a hand from Gon's shoulder to try and wipe away his tears. Gon won't try anything, he promised.</p><p>"It's okay," Gon whispers, thumb gently rubbing his cheekbone to soothe the tears. "Really, it's okay, Killua."</p><p>"How can you say that?" Killua gasps out, shaking his head. "I'm...I'm about to k-kill you."</p><p>"It's not your fault," Gon reminds before tilting his head just a little. It was enough to draw more blood from his neck. "Remember? You're doing this for your sisters."</p><p>"I really wanted both," Killua lets out. If Gon's hearing wasn't so good, he wouldn't have been able to hear the breathy admission in the rain. Raindrops drip from Killua's once fluffy white hair onto his chest. "I really did, Gon. If there was another way, I—"</p><p>"I know," Gon lets out. His shaky smile was meant to reassure Killua. Instead, it only made the ache in his heart worse. "You tried, didn't you?" Killua leans closer to the cold touch. He wished it wasn't raining so he could feel the full extent of Gon's warmth one last time. "I just wish you would've let me tried."</p><p>"You know why I couldn't."</p><p>"I'm sorry I was too weak to save you and your sisters," Gon apologizes, making Killua's tears worse. "I'm sorry I didn't love you enough to help you consider different options."</p><p>"It's not your fault!" Killua snaps, repeating Gon's words from moments ago. "Alright? It's <em>not</em> your fault."</p><p>"Killua?" Gon calls out. He rubs Killua's cheekbone a little more aggressively, hoping to get his point across. "One more time? I want it to be one of the last things I feel."</p><p>Killua nods and leans forward. Cold lips connect, surprising Killua, but once they deepen it, he's warm again.</p><p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</p><p>Killua's non-deadly hand holds the side of Gon's tan face. He rubs a thumb against freckles he's counted too many times, each time adding up to a different number.</p><p>Their kiss was desperate. Neither of them wanted to let go and neither of them wanted it to be a horrible ending. If they could, they would stay like this forever. If Killua could, he would go back in time and never associate himself with the assassination business. Even if it meant never meeting Gon, he would do it. He just wanted him to be safe. </p><p>It's Gon who pulls away a few moments later with Killua leaning forward, chasing for more. Killua rests his pale forehead against Gon's tan, breathing in Gon one last time.</p><p>"I know," Gon whispers, moving his hand from Killua's cheek to the back of Killua's head. His fingers, wide and slightly stubby, but strong enough to lift multiple grown men, tangle themselves in white wet locks. "But it's time, Killua."</p><p>"No," Killua whimpers, shaking his head against Gon. "I don't want it to be."</p><p>"Neither do I," Gon admits, "but that's the way it has to be."</p><p>Killua lets out a shuddering breath before slowly pulling himself away from Gon. Razor-like claws are still aimed at the throat he's kissed so many times.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> Gon lowers his hand from Killua’s hair. Their final touch commited to Killua’s memory.</span></p><p>Rain beats on his back a little harder now, but the wind pushes it at an angle. Killua was taking the brunt of it, protecting Gon from a majority of it. </p><p>
  <em>At least I could do that.</em>
</p><p>"Maybe this life wasn't made for us," Gon says, loud enough for Killua to hear over the rain, "but the next one will be. I'll find you, Killua." </p><p>"<em>I love you!</em>" Killua proclaims, raising the deadly hand away from Gon's throat, getting ready to swing.</p><p>"<em>I love you!</em>" Gon exclaims back, his grin as bright as the sun.</p><p><em>I love you</em>, Killua thinks as his hand cleanly slices through flesh. Killua kept his eyes open, though it was hard with both the rain and the tears. He kept eye contact with Gon as the latter began to gurgle from the violent blood splatter.</p><p>He didn't want the last thing Gon saw was a sad Killua. Gon hated it when Killua got sad. It made him sad before he attempted to fix it.</p><p>So Killua gives a warm smile, one that hopefully says <em>'see you soon.'</em> Because they will see each other, Gon said it himself.</p><p>If not this life, then the next.</p><p><em>He'll find me</em>, Killua thinks as Gon's eyes begin to glass over. <em>No, I'll find him first.</em></p><p>He and Gon would find each other again. It was only a matter of time.</p><p>When the body beneath him went limp, eyes reaming open but empty as they stare at the grass beside them, Killua couldn't help but wail.</p><p>His fingers returned to normal, allowing him to clench them as he screamed at the sky. He wanted to let out all the pain and sorrow he'd felt.</p><p>Maybe Gon would hear it from above.</p><p>Killua was certain about one thing as everything became blurry from his tears:</p><p>Their love, no matter strong it was, wouldn’t be enough to take on the Zoldycks. However, it would be enough for Killua to keep moving forward.</p><p>He wouldn’t take sunshine like that for granted, not again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>again, I’m so sorry</p></blockquote></div></div>
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